Unburden Your Soul! - A Simple Approach to Heart Transformation that Really Works!

Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with information on how to become better people or better Christians. We have access to endless sermons, podcasts, books, YouTube, online groups, and more.  


But little of it seems to translate into transformed lives, rather it seems to add to the growing spiritual exhaustion of God’s people. We still can’t say no to people, or food, or work, shopping, or social media, or  _______ (you fill in the blank.) 

Instead of controlling our lives, life controls us. 

We are God-fearing people who really love God and want to make a difference. We want to please God, please others, and at the end of the day lay our head on our pillow with a peaceful and grateful heart (not guilt-ridden by the list of things that did not get accomplished, or all the things we did wrong, and worst of all, how God was not even part of the equation.) 

Self-shaming thoughts lead us to a weak resolve to get up earlier, spend time with God, be kinder with our words, be more attentive to our spouse, prepare menus in advance, etc.  

These resolutions fade away into a fitful sleep that is disrupted by pesky alarm in the morning.  Our hands grope and smack the snooze button prolonging the inevitable until the last minute possible; then we get up and repeat the cycle. Mercy!

We may take it further and sign up for a weekend retreat where we can get away and do a life overhaul. But at the end of the day all our efforts fall short and we feel a deep sense of failure.

There is a simpler approach but it goes against the cultural norm and sometimes against our reason. 

Sometimes the simple solutions are ignored because they just seem too simple

It really is simple, if I could only get people to buy into it.

Here’s my approach, simple and to the point.

Be still and listen to God.

That’s it.

If the world would do this, it would be turned upside down.

If you would do this, your life would radically change.

I lead people into this approach routinely. 

Client assignment: Sit still, set the timer for 5 minutes.  Ask God a question or just say, “I’m here God, what do you want to say to me.”

An initial conversation with God may look like this:

God:  I love you.

You:  Right. Okay, um, thanks. But what am I supposed to be doing about __________?

God:  I love you.

You:  Got that. But I need some answers. There’s this, this, and this going on and I don’t know what to do.

God:  I love you.

You:  Yeah, okay . . . this isn’t working.  You’re not getting it.  I really need some answers.

God:  No you don’t, you need me.  I AM the answer.

You:  I don’t get that at all.  You’re not fixing my life and clearing up my confusions.

God:  If I can get you to experience my love, you’ll find the answers.  Your questions will change.  Your perspectives will change. You will change.  My perfect love casts out all fear.  

I want to love on you.  Will you let me?

You:  (a bit frustrated)  I don’t see how that works.  I know that you love me, I mean you died for me and all that.  But I have some pressing concerns and answers seem more relevant right now.

God:  I understand.  But I won’t change who I am or how I operate.  I’m offering my love.      When you learn to receive and enjoy it, you’ll see just how relevant it is.  You don’t really know how much I love you.  I want to show you.  Will you let me?

You:  Oops, time is up.  I gotta run.

            
Your departing thoughts  may be– "This is awkward, tomorrow I think I’ll just read Jesus Calling during this time."

After 12 years of listening to God, and 10 years of teaching others how to listen to God, I have witnessed over and over that God first and foremost wants to embrace us with His love.  Sadly, we dismiss this as irrelevant or impractical.  I mean, which would you rather have, a hug or better circumstances? Point made.

But what I’ve also noticed is that those clients who will sit still and listen to God reap enormous heart transformation that springs out of a soul that is deeply anchored in the love of God.

I can't stress this enough: When God's love gets a hold on us our perspective, attitude, and behaviors become more like His (without all the effort).

It’s not uncommon for me to give this prescription to a client:

For the next 2 weeks I want you to abandon all devotionals, Bible studies, Bible apps, etc.  Just take out a pen and paper, set your timer for 5 minutes and journal what you hear from God.  That’s it.  Do no more, do no less.  If you get nothing, just leave the paper blank and come back the next day.

Those who follow this prescription find God in a whole new way.  They are more aware of His presence throughout the day, delighted by His whispers and surprised by various God-moments throughout the week.  

They stop being resentful about how hard it is to be a Christian and began to enjoy their relationship with God. (All the devotional helps will come back into play after the client learns to sit still and listen to God.)

You don’t have to be a client to benefit from this practice.  Just start doing what I mentioned above.  I had no one guiding me (other than the Holy Spirit) when I got started.  If you get stuck feel free to make an appointment. 

My journal entries are messy and frankly, I would die of embarrassment if you read some of them.  But I have stayed with it until it as easy as breathing and today I joyfully declare that I went from being a devoted servant to a demanding king, to the cherished daughter of an adoring Father.  It’s the best!  

And in that wonderful space of experiencing His love, He has done some deep, deep soul cleansing and transformation.  (He’s also answered many questions, but don’t get hyper-focused on that idea.)

I wish this experience for all of you.  Go ahead, give it a whirl! 

Follow these steps:

I want to know how this works for you! 

Let me know if I can be of further help.

Coach Kinsey

How does this speak to you?  Please leave a comment below.

Click here to download this post.

©KinseyOglesby, October 2018 

A Personal Note to a Struggling Client

Dear Friend,

Today I'm thinking and praying for you.  Based on our conversation yesterday, I think that you may not have ever experienced deep, personal relating with the Savior.  Rather you have had a relationship with a system of religiosity (which is typical of many Christians).  That system can serve as a nice substitute until it doesn't anymore.  It doesn't produce real heart transformation, its more of a white-knuckle-it kind of behavior modification with the expectation that if we do well at that we will receive some kind of blessing from God.  This is where the reduced gospel we learn ends up being our kiss of death.

Thank God that He doesn't want us to stay on that path.  He has rescued me off of that path (I was miserable on it, yet like you, pushed that way down and went along with the flow).  He has shown me a new way of relating - an enjoyable Savior and Christian life (not easy) but soooooo much better than the other way.  I feel alive and excited about Jesus - and we do life together, every single day.  Circumstances around me haven't changed that much and can be pretty bleak, but God in the middle makes for a really sweet experience.

You're angry because God hasn't delivered.  You put out, but He didn't.  Only thing is, He never made that promise. Somewhere along the line, we believed the lie that if we do good things, we will get good things.  But the Bible never ever teaches that.  It teaches that to live we must first die, to be great we must become nothing, to get we must first lose, and to find the greatest joy is to love the unlovely.  It's opposite everything.  There is nothing appealing about those things.  But the promise is that when we do those things, that's when the real joy comes - that's when we really begin to experience life. I am finding this to be true.

This is just some food for thought. I'm for you more than you know.

If you want real life, I can help you find Him.

Love,

Coach Kinsey

Can any of you relate?  Has Abba drawn you into the Opposite World?  Please leave your comments below.

If you want to learn how to relate to a Savior rather than a system contact me. kinsey@coachkinsey.com

I Didn't Know it Would Be My Last Conversation With Him . . .

What a delightful surprise to see Mr. D and Sandy at a recent funeral.   My heart stirred when I saw them.  I felt compelled to speak words of life and love to my High School teacher.  I wanted him to know how much he meant to me and to so many people. I made a beeline for him after the service.

 “Mr. D, I just want you to know how much you mean to me . . .” But before I could get going, others huddled around, took pictures, shared memories, talked, and talked, and talked.  But I was determined to have this conversation. People moved away, the room was almost empty, so I started again, “Mr. D, I want you to know . . .” 

This time the funeral director butted in, arms waving directions, “We need you to move out of the room, we have another funeral to conduct.” I could tell he was not a man to cross, we left the chapel and went into the hallway.  

I tried again, “Mr. D, it’s important for me to say this . . .”  Someone stopped by and thrust their cell phone in Mr. D’s face, “Hey, my daughter is doing great now, here’s her house, yada yada.”  Seriously?   Can I just have a moment?   

Finally, space seemed to open up, “Mr. D . . .” Oh, for crying out loud, the funeral director was unhappy again. “Could y’all please move out of the hall?  

We have another funeral about to start.”  Sheesh!  

We moved to the lobby.  More interruptions ensued.

Maybe this wasn’t the place or time. 

But I waited.  Finally, I was able to look Mr. D in the eye and express my gratitude and love.  I don’t remember what I said exactly.  But I do remember being grateful for the chance to hold his hand, hug his neck, and speak life into him.

I had no idea it would be my last conversation with him. Today, June 22, 2018, Mr. D entered heaven. I’ll cherish this picture and that moment forever.

There will be endless accolades from thousands of students over on Facebook about how wonderful Mr. D was on earth.  I look forward to reading each one.  But right now I want to draw attention to this fact: we never know. 

We never know when our last conversation with someone will be our last conversation with someone.  So, it’s really important to speak up.  Sometimes we feel silly or shy about saying soulful things.  Sometimes the slightest bumps in the road can deter us from our intents. 

Here are my two cents worth:

Stay the course.
Say the words.
Speak life.
Speak love.
Speak gratitude.
You may not get another chance.

In honor and memory of one of the greats, Jay Donmoyer, aka "Mr. D," and his lovely wife Sandy.

Chioma! My New Favorite Word

“How do you pronounce your name?” I asked, noticing her unusual name tag.

“Chee-oh-ma,” replied the Lowes cashier.

"That’s interesting, what does it mean?"

“God is good.”

“Really?  What language is that?”

 "Igbo, from Nigeria."

“That’s a beautiful name. God really is good, do you know Jesus?” my husband joined the conversation.

“I know God,” she said with dismissive air and rang up our potting soil.  Seemed to me that she didn’t like God being equated with Jesus.  But who knows, I could have read her wrong.

Anyway, intrigued by the name Chioma, I later did a google search online.  Sure enough, it means “God is good.” Don’t you just love that? It’s my new favorite word now.

Chioma!  God is good.

Yes He is. Jesus too.

We prayed that the beautiful African girl that works at Lowes comes to know that in her heart.

And you too for that matter.

Have a lovely day.

Chioma! Spread the word.

A Surprise Kiss from God

There it blossomed, in the dead of winter, snowy white against a periwinkle sky. 

I braked and dismounted my bike to get closer. The flower was a burst of white petals surrounding a small yellow center; from a distance, it resembled a daisy – but this was a tree.

   

How is it that I’ve biked this route for years and never noticed this daisy tree? 

But today it begged my attention, standing in stark contrast to the surrounding landscape of brown grass, dead leaves, and barren trees.

Its beautiful bloom sang out to me – there's life, there's hope, there's growth! Dark seasons give way to light.  Mourning gives way to laughter.

Touching its delicate leaves, I could feel the breath of God infusing me with hope, anticipation, and joy.

The first signs of spring are always the most treasured;

 perhaps because they follow a season of decay.

Yet I was still mystified, how had I missed this tree in the past?  I pass it frequently.  Could it be that my soul was more thirsty this time?  Or maybe God just wanted to surprise me.

The same thing happens when I read scripture.  I round the corner of a chapter, riding in old, familiar territory, then a verse will jump out and capture my attention. It’s like I’ve never seen it before!  I brake, dismount, and allow the new revelation to seep into my soul.

Some people call these moments kisses from God.  What a wonderful thought.  It surely does feels like that – a God-kiss. Nice.

God’s-kisses are all around us.  Every day.  It’s just that sometimes we glide right past and don’t notice them. Oh that we might see them all.

Would you ask God to open your eyes today? 

Ask Him to show you where His kiss is hiding.

He wants to kiss you.

And when you get your God-kiss, stop pedaling, get off your bike, and receive the infusion of His love and grace. 

Then would you share it with someone?  

Or better yet share it on our FB group page?

After I got home I googled the bloom and discovered that it is called
Magnolia stellata the ‘Royal Star.”
But just between us, I think I'll call it the Daisy tree.  Smile.
You can learn more about it here: 

Sometimes we can't hear from God or receive His kisses because we are stuck, or our internal life is too noisy.  As a Heart Transformation Coach, I help you move past the barriers to reconnect with the lover of your soul.

Click here to learn about

Heart Transformation Services

or contact me at:

Kinsey@coachkinsey.com

For a PDF version of this story - maybe to share with your women's group,

click here.

©Kinsey Oglesby, January 25, 2017

Kisses for Bobbie: A story of a Daughter's Love

I wanted my mom to love and cherish me. To teach me how to dress, wear makeup, choose friends, show hospitality, and find a mate. To hold me when the world was harsh, to comfort me when my dreams were shattered, to listen with rapt attention to my ideas and prattle.  To be proud of me for starring in the school play, to slip me notes in my lunch.  To crawl in bed with me and giggle, tell me stories, hold me tight, and kiss my eyes closed. She never did.

It was difficult for mom to raise five children.  Kind words, encouragement, and praise were seldom spoken. Disparaging remarks and criticism were more the norm.  Mom scared me; I never felt emotionally safe with her.  Most of my childhood was spent flying under the radar, avoiding the fray.  As I grew older, my wounds became the breeding ground for resentment and bitterness.  By the time I left home, I wanted to walk away and never look back. 

But God.

God taught me a better way;  the way of love.  Mercifully, He would not let me walk away. He would not let bitterness and resentment define me. It took years of messy work to uproot those enemies. He helped me see the deep pain in my mother’s soul that prevented her from receiving and expressing love.  She was gripped with fear and anxiety and inner sufferings of her own.  God graced my heart with compassion and forgiveness.  He helped me to let go of my expectations and to treat mom with respect and dignity.  But He didn’t stop there. He taught me to love her in the ways I longed to be loved.

Long story short, when mom was no longer able to live independently, the Preacher and I took up residence with her.  For years we watched both her mind and body decay.  She was utterly dependent on us for every need.

Not only did she need us to watch over her, but mom’s body needed attention. Touching my mom was uncharted territory; the thought of it made my stomach queasy.  Don’t get me wrong, I love touch; it’s one of my love languages.  But touching my mom?  That was a different story.  There was no familiarity and no emotional connection; caring for her body took me to a whole other level.  I had to cut her nails, clean her nose, irrigate her ears, wash her hair, change her diaper, bandage her wounds and do all manner of stuff too personal to write here.  Our loving Father used this experience to close the gap on love. I did all these things dutifully and kindly. 

Mom, aka"Bobbie"

But God. 

(There are those two words again). 

He spoke to me one day about mom.  “She’s my princess, my darling Bobbie.  Thank you for caring for her.  I love her so much and I can’t wait until she is here with me.  Until then Kinsey, let her know how much I love her. Be me with skin on.”   Whoa.  When He exposed His heart toward my mom I was floored.  I saw her in a new light; she was one of God’s greatest treasures.

God flipped a switch in me. The next day I went into her room with an awareness that I was entering sacred territory.  God’s princess was lying in the bed, His beloved “Bobbie.”   I bent down and smothered my mom’s face and neck with kisses.  That day my touch went from holy duty to holy relating.  The healing in my soul was complete.  Praise God.

Since then, I’ve lost count of the kisses and tender touches I’ve given mom.  But it wasn’t me, it was the God of the universe loving on His princess.  I was just the vessel.

In my life I’ve made a lot of mistakes, wounded many people, and failed to love.  But there is this one little place in my soul – where love won out. And if I don’t get anything else right I can revel in the transformation of my heart towards my mother.

Mom went to Jesus a few days ago.  I had one hand on her head, brushing back her hair, and one hand over her chest feeling it rise and fall.  Her breath became shallower and shallower, the rise and fall became barely noticeable.  Then it stopped. She left this earth while I was touching her and entered into heaven where Jesus was waiting with “Kisses for Bobbie.”

Mother's Day 2016

When I die don’t cry for me

In my Father’s arms I’ll be

The wounds this world left on my soul

Will all be healed and I’ll be whole.

It don’t matter where they bury me

I’ll be home and I’ll be free

It don’t matter where I lay

All my tears be washed away.

All My Tears” Selah

I love  you Mom!  I can hardly wait for us to look in each other's eyes and love deeply, purely, and completely from a place of perfect holiness.

Postlude:

Mom did love us; she just didn’t know how to express it.  We have found some of her prayer journals in which she desperately sought God’s transformation of her tongue and heart. She matured into a very generous woman who sponsored countless orphans through Compassion international, and other good works for God.  Additionally, she was a gracious and loving MeeMaw to her grandchildren.

Broken people can be used by God.  In fact, it’s the only kind of people He uses!  Like me, Mom got it right in some areas, and not so good in others.  It seems contradictory, but that’s how it is when God is in the process of cleaning up our messy hearts and lives.  Some things won’t be fixed until glory.  Until then, we need to give each other’s imperfections wide berth.  God is transforming us all in His own time and way.  One day we will all live in holy love.

©Kinsey Oglesby, Soul Care Coach, Writer, Speaker

Kinsey@coachkinsey.com,

Laura's story . . . I knew God loved the world, but did He love me specifically?

I never believed that God’s love targeted me specifically;

it was more like God blanketed the earth with a generic

kind of love.  I didn’t feel worthy of His personal affection.

Things are very different now.  After participating

in the Listening to Abba group I have found God’s

love to be very personal and specific for me.

Kinsey showed how God has been actively and

passionately pursuing us throughout history in order

to draw us into an intimate relationship with Himself.

She led us into His presence and helped us learn

how to ask God questions and listen for His response.

I was blown away by how He spoke to me.  God spoke in words of tender love and reassurance, offering comfort, peace, release, and joy. I learned that what I thought was His voice before, was not actually His voice at all.  God doesn’t speak in condemnation and judgment; Christ took care of all that on the cross. Of course He convicts and corrects, but it’s always cloaked in love and mercy.  I guess that shouldn’t surprise me so much, after all God is love!

This experience has opened me up to possibilities of relating to God in ways I never imagined.  My almost non-existent prayer life has been turned upside down.  I look forward to our time together now.  I am more aware of His presence throughout the day and my ear is tuned to hear His voice.  I love it when He surprises me with a song or word that I wasn’t expecting.  He is love!

I’m so thankful that God showed me a new way of relating to Him.  Now I look forward to a going deeper and enjoying a vibrant relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Abba.

 Laura Fortney, Greenville, SC

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